Me N' My Muses 3
by Orin Drake
Summary: Orin makes an attempt at discussing someting serious with her muses. Do not read if you are remotely offended by the idea of pornographic material or homosexual relations.


This is part 3 of the "interesting" fanfic/story/insane banter, inspired by Glitter Girl's Final Fantasy 8 fanfic, _Your Muse and You_ (which can be found at http://www.shiny-objects.org/glitterati/). The characters Link and Zelda are owned by Nintendo. Squall, Seifer, Sephiroth, Cloud, Rinoa and Vincent are characters owned by Squaresoft. Shadow is my own creation, and Nightshade is my Fender Sratocaster. Just do, not, screw with my Strat, man. There is quite a chunk of bad language here, and some sexual overtones and terms you'll want to watch out for. Beware: the word "pornography" is used three times, the word "porn" is also used thrice (there's Old English if I ever heard it), and the word "orgy" is mentioned. Already sounds like fun, eh?   
  
  
  


Me N' My Muses 3   
by Orin Drake 

Everyone: *on cue (a.k.a. under threat of tazers and wire hanger whoopins), all the muses file into the room and sit in their currently assigned chairs, looking at one another suspiciously*   
Orin: *seats herself last, making sure everyone is here* Okay, how'd Link get out of this?   
Squall: He's not tied to a chair. He knows how to get away.   
Orin: Thanks for the input. This is gonna be a bit of a different thing. I'm gonna try actual discussion with you guys.   
Shadow: *makes an amused sound in her throat* That's a disaster waiting to happen. Do you have police and firemen on speed dial?   
Sephiroth: Now that's an idea...   
Seifer: You mean we're actually expected to, like, _discuss_ things?   
Vincent: Ludicrous.   
Cloud: Lewd-a-who?   
Orin: *fires cap gun shots in the air and waits for the stunned silence* There are various "issues" I feel you guys are perfectly equipped to discuss, that's all. Seeing as how the vast majority of you invaded my head without my permission.   
Shadow: *raises her hand* I beat through the hardest.   
Orin: I'm aware, yes.   
Sephiroth: *whispers* And Nightshade isn't alive...   
Orin: Don't make me... *long pause* Just don't make me, alright?   
Sephiroth: *sits straight and salutes messily*   
Squall: Alright, let's get this over with.   
Orin: *clears throat* Okay, first on the list. I've come across a hell of a lot of articles on fanfiction.net that complain about pornography. Just wondering what all of you guys had to say about it.   
Everyone: *blinks*   
Sephiroth: *finally breaking the silence* Um... this is like a real issue discussion, huh?   
Orin: I'm afraid so. I never meant for it to be this way. But curiosity always gets the best of me.   
Everyone: *giggles softly*   
Seifer: Porn is good. It's necessary for the development of the human male.   
Sephiroth: Or the inhuman male.   
Orin: Or the human fe--   
Everyone sans Orin: Shemale. *giggling all around*   
Orin: *glares* I'm a chick, okay? I feel dirty saying it, but I am.   
Squall: *murmurs* No more female than I am...   
Seifer: I'd agree with that.   
Orin: *laughs quietly* Vince?   
Vincent: *sighs inwardly as his name is bastardized again* I... like it, personally. *shrugs, having nothing more to say*   
Orin: *glances Shadow's direction*   
Shadow: *folds her hands in her lap and feigns innocence for approximately .02 seconds* I'm always on your computer, you know.   
Orin: Hell yes I know. That explains why some things are moved around to a mysterious folder called "Shadow's Private Stash". And still more in "Shadow's Really Private Stash".   
Shadow: *makes no apologies; offers only a blank smile*   
Cloud: I like porn, too. Keeps you going on the battlefield.   
Sephiroth: Fffft. Battlefield.   
Cloud and Sephiroth: *make faces at one another*   
Squall: *decides smartly not to open his mouth at all, as he'd probably just be accused of being a porn star... again*   
Orin: *stares at Squall for a moment* Okay, we all agree, pornography is good, fun, and healthy.   
Sephiroth: Should we address the issue of pansexuality?   
Orin: *absolutely shocked that the conversation just may turn out to be meaningful after all*   
Vincent: *giggles, picturing a bunch of little goat-legged guys running around playing flutes and... well, doing stuff amongst themselves*   
Everyone: *one by one slowly joins in the giggling, picturing the same thing*   
Orin: This damn muse mind meld thing is just too weird. *clears her throat and tries to regain her authority* Pansexuality is basically liking a little bit of everything.   
Vincent, Cloud and Sephiroth: *sit there elbowing one another*   
Shadow: *gets a wicked gleam in her eye... even more than usual, I mean* Allow me to illustrate. Orin, go make out with Vincent.   
Vincent: *looks shocked and worried*   
Orin: *looks happy, but somehow unwilling* In front of everyone?   
Shadow: *light cough* It's for explanation purposes.   
Orin: *needing no more instruction, gets up and sits in Vincent's lap*   
Vincent: *looks like a deer caught in the headlights*   
Orin: *makes out with him anyway*   
Shadow: *stands up and grabs a long pointer with which to enhance the lesson, points in between them and begins speaking* This is a "regular", heterosexual make-out scene. *pauses to stare for a moment* Orin looks happy.   
Orin: Mmmft!   
Shadow: *nods* So, right now you would assume that this particular person is heterosexual. But let us introduce another wom--   
Orin: *finds it is her turn to get a wicked gleam in her eye and pounces Shadow, proceeding to make out with her on the floor*   
Sephiroth: *blushes, as the action is taking place right next to him... but watches*   
Everyone sans Orin and Shadow: *watch intently*   
Vincent: *recovers and takes over Shadow's duty, using the pointer himself* But, as you can see, she seems just as happy making out with a chick.   
Shadow: *makes several protesting noises*   
Orin: *ignores them for the sake of sweet, sweet revenge*   
Shadow: *finally succeeds in pushing Orin off and wobbly getting up, wrestles the pointer from Vincent, then dusts herself off and clears her throat*   
Orin: *interrupts her immediately* And now a show of male homosexuality!   
Everyone sans Orin: *stares at one another*   
Seifer: Someone get Irvine!   
Orin: No, no. Someone here make out. Now.   
Everyone sans Orin and Shadow: *look at one another* 

FULL-BLOWN 12-HOUR LONG ORGY SCENE CENSORED FOR YOUR PROTECTION 

Orin: Who the hell knew you could do _that_, Seph?   
Sephiroth: *chuckles* I did.   
Cloud: *trying to find his boots* I thought this was supposed to be serious conversation!   
Orin: *recovers her shirt from a chandelier* Yeah, well... we got to talking about pornography and...   
Seifer: *sarcastically, as he puts his pants back on* That makes us bad people.   
Everyone: *laughs as they arrange themselves*   
Orin: Hey... where'd we leave Squall?   
Everyone: *a silence falls over them*   
Seifer: Oh crap, I think he's still tied to the ceiling fan. *runs into the next room*   
Orin: *sighs and gets a bottle of water* Well, that didn't go hardly as I planned. And Link never did show up, the bastard.   
Sephiroth: I think he's a voyeur, if you know what I mean.   
Orin: Aaaaaahhhh. The bastard.   
  
  


Author's Excuse: "It just kinda happened." 


End file.
